Of course, I had great plans for blogging last week, but other things were on my mind. In fact, my mind is a little blown right now.
Journalling reads:
so Connor is going to be tested for autism spectrum disorder. i am so overwhelmed and so torn. i’ve always found that if i treated him as if he’s autistic that it helped, but i never actually thought he might be. i was glad to get the nld diagnosis because it explained so many of the things that he had trouble with…and it wasn’t autism. but the more i looked into it (and kept getting bumped to asperger’s info) the more i wondered if maybe the nld wasn’t the only thing he had going on. where were the strengths he was supposed to have with nld…and why were all these other weaknesses he has JUST like asperger’s? i kept consoling myself that he didn’t tantrum, and he WAS concerned with how other’s viewed him. but then i discovered shut downs, which are even worse than meltdowns beccause at least i’d be ale to tell he was having a meltdown. and i discovered that theory of mind was not actually about caring what others thought of you, but about what you understood. i know a diagnosis won’t change anything…he’ll still be my sweet sweet boy. i know that knowing what is up will help us to help him, and i know he desperately wants to know why he’s different… but i never ever dreamt i’d be taking this journay and it scares me. it somehow seems easier to deal with connor as connor, rather than connor as autistic even though i know in my head the opposite is true.
And something to look back on for some encouragement:
I know what you are going through. Our son of 20 has gone a long way with two diagnoses. First pdd-nos and with the final verdict: Asperger. I wish you all the strength and patience and resourcefulness in the world! We love our special children but can’t take care of them forever and protect them against all the bad stuff in this world. Enjoy the good times and try to find help for the bad times. Love to you all! Elly